With Michael Vick's dogfighting days over, people with a taste for bloodsport will have to look elsewhere. Fortunately, our society has no shortage of celebrities with the judgment of a hamster, stars who would do anything to snatch the spotlight their way.

And so I fully expect Paris Hilton and Britney Spears to stage a dogfight between their tea-cup-size Chihuahuas Tinkerbell and Bit Bit. If that doesn't fire up the public's bloodlust, I don't know what will. Perhaps the marmoset or whatever sort of simian Hilton has for a pet can jump into the fray and demonstrate its prowess with knives.

And at the end, with one or both of the dogs dead, Hilton can display her newfound appreciation of the Bible and read scripture over the fallen fighters. It would humanize the moment, and make the whole thing suitable for Fox.