ROOKIE MISTAKES
I have yet to see Casino Royale, the new James Bond flick that chronicles 007's first mission. Much has been made about the how-Bond-became-Bond angle, yet I'm more interested in seeing what sort of rookie mistakes he makes.
For instance, does the traditional opening sequence in which a camera tracks a tuxedoed Bond who is strolling along until he suddenly pivots and fires a killing shot at the person behind the camera come off without a hitch? Or when Bond pulls out his pistol does it fly out of his hand, leaving him to menace his unseen foe with his thumb and forefinger? Does his shot miss and hit a nun shepherding schoolchildren? Personally, I hope this sequence is unaffected. The summary and possibly unprovoked killing of photographers appeals to me as a layout editor.
Because a casino plays a central role in the movie, I guess I can expect to see Bond at his customary place at the baccarat table, looking impossibly magnificent in formal wear. But suppose someone who is a little rougher around the edges is Bond's handler. Suppose this person tells Bond he'll need to wear a "penguin suit" to the casino. Suppose Bond at this time is tragically literal-minded and so shows up dressed as Antarctic water fowl. Suppose Bond waddles up to the baccarat table dressed as an emperor penguin (Bond face framed by the mouth of the costume, of course) and then tries to verbally spar with the villain. Imagine the mortified look on the Bond girl, who eventually tries to salvage some pride by hooking up with a bus boy.
And speaking of Bond chicks, does Bond slip up and start hitting on a cross-dresser? Is Bond unable to spot a drag queen?
(This brings me to an analysis of Bond's sex life. Like any entity overflowing with statistical data, 007's womanizing can be categorized. Near as I can see it, Bond's women fit into four categories. There are Incidental Bond Chicks, Eye-to-Eye Bond Chicks, Redemptive-Sex Bond Chicks and Evil Bond Chicks. The Incidentals are there simply to provide an outlet for Bond's towering libido, like the nurse at the beginning of Thunderball. The Eye-to-Eyes are the Bond Chicks who have exceptional qualities and so legitimize his bed-hopping ways. See, Bond is not the sort of secret agent who is threatened by strong women. And somebody has to say "Oh, James" at the end. The Redemptive Sex chicks are women who are somehow aligned with the bad guy and have sex with Bond. In the afterglow, they see the error of their ways and pledge undying loyalty to Bond. They are inevitably killed for switching allegiance, thereby infusing Bond's mission with a sort of righteous vengeance. The Evils are women somehow aligned with the bad guy and have sex with Bond yet are unrepentant of their ways after. As a moral lesson to all women in the movie audience, these chicks have to die.)
And what of Bond's usual greeting? Did he always say, "Bond. James Bond"? Or does he say in this movie, "Hey there! I'm Jimmy Bond." Or does he lapse into a Cockney accent: " 'ello, guv. Bond's the name, Jim Bond."
Watching a transformation from the coarse into the polished is always cool. But I think the Bond legend could only have been enhanced if he had had to come from such a long way down.
I have yet to see Casino Royale, the new James Bond flick that chronicles 007's first mission. Much has been made about the how-Bond-became-Bond angle, yet I'm more interested in seeing what sort of rookie mistakes he makes.
For instance, does the traditional opening sequence in which a camera tracks a tuxedoed Bond who is strolling along until he suddenly pivots and fires a killing shot at the person behind the camera come off without a hitch? Or when Bond pulls out his pistol does it fly out of his hand, leaving him to menace his unseen foe with his thumb and forefinger? Does his shot miss and hit a nun shepherding schoolchildren? Personally, I hope this sequence is unaffected. The summary and possibly unprovoked killing of photographers appeals to me as a layout editor.
Because a casino plays a central role in the movie, I guess I can expect to see Bond at his customary place at the baccarat table, looking impossibly magnificent in formal wear. But suppose someone who is a little rougher around the edges is Bond's handler. Suppose this person tells Bond he'll need to wear a "penguin suit" to the casino. Suppose Bond at this time is tragically literal-minded and so shows up dressed as Antarctic water fowl. Suppose Bond waddles up to the baccarat table dressed as an emperor penguin (Bond face framed by the mouth of the costume, of course) and then tries to verbally spar with the villain. Imagine the mortified look on the Bond girl, who eventually tries to salvage some pride by hooking up with a bus boy.
And speaking of Bond chicks, does Bond slip up and start hitting on a cross-dresser? Is Bond unable to spot a drag queen?
(This brings me to an analysis of Bond's sex life. Like any entity overflowing with statistical data, 007's womanizing can be categorized. Near as I can see it, Bond's women fit into four categories. There are Incidental Bond Chicks, Eye-to-Eye Bond Chicks, Redemptive-Sex Bond Chicks and Evil Bond Chicks. The Incidentals are there simply to provide an outlet for Bond's towering libido, like the nurse at the beginning of Thunderball. The Eye-to-Eyes are the Bond Chicks who have exceptional qualities and so legitimize his bed-hopping ways. See, Bond is not the sort of secret agent who is threatened by strong women. And somebody has to say "Oh, James" at the end. The Redemptive Sex chicks are women who are somehow aligned with the bad guy and have sex with Bond. In the afterglow, they see the error of their ways and pledge undying loyalty to Bond. They are inevitably killed for switching allegiance, thereby infusing Bond's mission with a sort of righteous vengeance. The Evils are women somehow aligned with the bad guy and have sex with Bond yet are unrepentant of their ways after. As a moral lesson to all women in the movie audience, these chicks have to die.)
And what of Bond's usual greeting? Did he always say, "Bond. James Bond"? Or does he say in this movie, "Hey there! I'm Jimmy Bond." Or does he lapse into a Cockney accent: " 'ello, guv. Bond's the name, Jim Bond."
Watching a transformation from the coarse into the polished is always cool. But I think the Bond legend could only have been enhanced if he had had to come from such a long way down.
posted by John Parnell at 11:44 AM
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