I've been wearing my co-workers out wondering what the exact nature of Paris Hilton's incarceration is going to be like. My assumption is that it's probably going to be a pretty dull affair, but because the setting is Los Angeles I can't help thinking that there might be a cinematic influence of some sort. I like to think that Cool Hand Paris might be eating 50 hard-boiled eggs on a bet or hearing these words a lot: "What we got here, is ... failure to communicate."

But my guess here is that her time might be something like Reform School Girls, a classic 1986 movie that featured Wendy O. Williams. The movie is set at a sinister reform school for girls who robbed lingerie stores (I say that because that was all the girls for practically the entire movie.) Reform School Girls tells the story of Jenny (or Jodi or Jessie or whatever the hell her name was) who falls into the penal system because instead of breaking up with her loser boyfriend, she drives his getaway car. Once in reform school, Jenny runs afoul of Charlie the bully and her gang. Though supposedly a teenager, Charlie is played by the clearly in middle age Wendy O., whose wardrobe consists of unflattering g-strings and boots. I guess the director was hoping that we would believe that Charlie just keeps flunking reform school and so has been held back for, oh, about 20 years. Anyway, after Jenny finds out that innocence is always crushed by brutality and that just because a guy has sex with you in the back of a laundry truck does not mean he will smuggle you out of jail, there is the inevitable prison riot. In a whirl of gunfire and Frederick's of Hollywood apparel, Wendy O. takes two barrels of buckshot to the chest. But a shotgun blast that would have felled a herd of deer is no match for our girl. She then somehow finds the strength to sprint -- not jog, not stagger, not crawl -- sprint to a nearby school bus, start it up and then point it toward the tower where Edna, the sadistic head guard who would deserve the death penalty if she were to ever put on something lacy and skimpy, is squeezing off rounds at the rioting inmates. Wendy O. then speeds the bus toward the tower, clambers on top of it and raises her fist defiantly as the bus strikes the tower. She then succumbs to her wounds. At this point nobody cares about Jenny Whatever anymore.

So the only real question is, which character would Paris be?