Hurling epithets
Lord knows that the Dark Age and medieval monarchs did few favors for their subjects, what with the grinding taxes and interminable wars. But at least they did offer truth in advertising. Attaching such epithets as "The Terrible" to a king's name let the unfortunate peasants know that a request for a tax cut might end badly with beheadings and impalements. An epithet such as "The Most Terrible" would tell peasants that the sovereign might respond with endless committee meetings about taxes and the fiscal health of his realm.
The Anglo-Saxons offer some of the most interesting epithets. The rule of Ethelred the Unready in England began during the late 10th century. His son was Edward the Confessor, which might mean that he was very pious or adept at making plea bargains. Edward was a contemporary of the Norman nobleman Ralph the Timid. Maybe his coat of arms featured a mouse in armor hiding under by the baseboard.
On the other side of the English Channel, you had such Frankish kings as Charles the Fat and Charles the Bald. Since communication was poor in this age, such epithets could be invaluable for diplomacy. Envoys to Charles the Bald would know that if the king greeted them with what appeared to be a squirrel hide on his head they should not make comments about the bad toupee. Envoys to Charles the Fat would know better than to say that the king needed to "go for the burn" to lose weight, advice that might lead to the desolation of the countryside.
Perhaps these names alone can even give us a glimpse into just how such kings might have responded to crisis. Imagine a King Ethelwulf the Apathetic and his reaction to news of a Danish invasion. Or suppose there was a King Ethelwulf the Easily Distracted. What would his response have been? Maybe we already know.
And could it be possible that there was one king who realized that it wasn't enough to rule wisely; you had to look fabulous as well? Is it possible that his battle armor was covered with sequins and rhinestones? Perhaps he was thrilled to learn that his realm was about to be overrun by muscular blond men.
We would know for sure if history ever reveals a King Ethelwulf the Gay.
Lord knows that the Dark Age and medieval monarchs did few favors for their subjects, what with the grinding taxes and interminable wars. But at least they did offer truth in advertising. Attaching such epithets as "The Terrible" to a king's name let the unfortunate peasants know that a request for a tax cut might end badly with beheadings and impalements. An epithet such as "The Most Terrible" would tell peasants that the sovereign might respond with endless committee meetings about taxes and the fiscal health of his realm.
The Anglo-Saxons offer some of the most interesting epithets. The rule of Ethelred the Unready in England began during the late 10th century. His son was Edward the Confessor, which might mean that he was very pious or adept at making plea bargains. Edward was a contemporary of the Norman nobleman Ralph the Timid. Maybe his coat of arms featured a mouse in armor hiding under by the baseboard.
On the other side of the English Channel, you had such Frankish kings as Charles the Fat and Charles the Bald. Since communication was poor in this age, such epithets could be invaluable for diplomacy. Envoys to Charles the Bald would know that if the king greeted them with what appeared to be a squirrel hide on his head they should not make comments about the bad toupee. Envoys to Charles the Fat would know better than to say that the king needed to "go for the burn" to lose weight, advice that might lead to the desolation of the countryside.
Perhaps these names alone can even give us a glimpse into just how such kings might have responded to crisis. Imagine a King Ethelwulf the Apathetic and his reaction to news of a Danish invasion. Or suppose there was a King Ethelwulf the Easily Distracted. What would his response have been? Maybe we already know.
And could it be possible that there was one king who realized that it wasn't enough to rule wisely; you had to look fabulous as well? Is it possible that his battle armor was covered with sequins and rhinestones? Perhaps he was thrilled to learn that his realm was about to be overrun by muscular blond men.
We would know for sure if history ever reveals a King Ethelwulf the Gay.
posted by John Parnell at 9:49 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home