YEAH, I GOT SOME IDEAS
In fall of 2001, shortly after the United States sent forces into Afghanistan, a major news network decided to do a story about how a paper the size of The Telegraph was covering that war. I told our then managing editor that he could become a legend in journalism if he followed my advice. To seize greatness, I told him, he need merely look into the camera bewilderedly and utter two words:
"What war?"
I was not surprised when my advice was spurned. Many of my best ideas -- ideas that would have put The Telegraph on the cutting edge of journalism and perhaps revolutionized the entire industry -- have been banished to the Land of Nod without a fair hearing during my 10 years at the paper. But now they get their rightful chance.
One of the first really good ideas I had to help the paper came when we decided to ditch three comic strips -- The Phantom, Rex Morgan, M.D. and (I think) Mary Worth -- from the comics page. Dropping a comic strip is one of the greatest sins a newspaper can commit (along with getting the horoscopes wrong) in our readers' eyes, and there was quite an uproar about this. Some readers went as far as saying that we didn't care about them. Well, of course, we care about our readers. But we sometimes find it hard to show that.
Here's where my idea could have helped immensely. I thought that what we should do is tell readers that we were dropping the comics not because white-man-in-the-jungle adventure was no longer cool but because coming strips of The Phantom and Rex Morgan were going to take disturbing turns. The Phantom's next adventure, we should have said, was going to take him to San Francisco, where in a series of bath house encounters he begins to realize what his true sexuality is (this one isn't so far-fetched; let's face it people, the Phantom, purple tights and all, is a closet gay). Dr. Rex was going to suffer a series of business reversals that would lead him to abuse his prescription privileges and that would culminate in his mixing Viagara and LSD with shocking consequences. Rather than see their heroes take a fall, we decided to quit running the strips.
Cost-cutting is a perpetual concern of newspapers, and I was ready to help here, too. The features department used to run the "Critters" (don't you just love the homespun folksiness?) page on Saturdays. It was a page full of advice about how to care for pets, and it also had photos of dogs and cats up for adoption in the Bibb and Houston animal shelters. (By the way, I think somebody at the Bibb County Animal Shelter hates animals. Bibb would send us very unflattering photos of the cats and dogs, in one case sending us a photo of a dog that appears to be lunging -- teeth bared -- at the camera!) The person laying out the Critters page was encouraged to put biographical information under each photo, and write it up with a little "attitude." Something like "I'm a female black Labrador, about 1 year old. I am good with kids and very docile. But don't call me bitch!"
Anyway, as the cost of newsprint continued to rise, our paper had to start dropping pages, and the Critters page was tipped the black spot. But wait a minute, I said, we don't have to get rid of the Critters page; we can fold it into the food section. And under the photos of the pets, we can start writing stuff like "I am a 1-year-old male Irish setter. I am very good with children, or, with a proper marinade, I am a wonderful en brochette appetizer." This idea got collared pretty fast.
My ideas extend to how we greet and reach out to readers, as well. I have long said that we should have on-hold music. But not just any music. I'm talking about songs people like, songs like "Strokin'" by Clarence Carter or the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself."
And we need to drop that whole "Invite us home" advertising campaign. Believe me, I have used that line at bars, and it rarely works. What we need is a TV ad that shows us as hardass news hounds. Journalists so relentless about getting the story that we have been known to sometimes perform full body-cavity searches on sources that are insufficiently forthcoming. We need to have a TV spot that ends with our metro editor snapping on a latex glove and saying, "Here at The Telegraph, we'll go anywhere (snap!) to get the news you need."
The harshest rejection was when I suggested we try something a little different, graphically speaking, for the St. Patrick's day issue. I thought we should try to get this little guy in as a tone-setter for the front page.
Yet again, the Telegraph's powers that be rejected this suggestion out of hand.
These are but a few of the ideas that I have had to try to help our paper improve. Though they keep getting rejected, I won't let that stop me. I know the future will vindicate me. Or not.
In fall of 2001, shortly after the United States sent forces into Afghanistan, a major news network decided to do a story about how a paper the size of The Telegraph was covering that war. I told our then managing editor that he could become a legend in journalism if he followed my advice. To seize greatness, I told him, he need merely look into the camera bewilderedly and utter two words:
"What war?"
I was not surprised when my advice was spurned. Many of my best ideas -- ideas that would have put The Telegraph on the cutting edge of journalism and perhaps revolutionized the entire industry -- have been banished to the Land of Nod without a fair hearing during my 10 years at the paper. But now they get their rightful chance.
One of the first really good ideas I had to help the paper came when we decided to ditch three comic strips -- The Phantom, Rex Morgan, M.D. and (I think) Mary Worth -- from the comics page. Dropping a comic strip is one of the greatest sins a newspaper can commit (along with getting the horoscopes wrong) in our readers' eyes, and there was quite an uproar about this. Some readers went as far as saying that we didn't care about them. Well, of course, we care about our readers. But we sometimes find it hard to show that.
Here's where my idea could have helped immensely. I thought that what we should do is tell readers that we were dropping the comics not because white-man-in-the-jungle adventure was no longer cool but because coming strips of The Phantom and Rex Morgan were going to take disturbing turns. The Phantom's next adventure, we should have said, was going to take him to San Francisco, where in a series of bath house encounters he begins to realize what his true sexuality is (this one isn't so far-fetched; let's face it people, the Phantom, purple tights and all, is a closet gay). Dr. Rex was going to suffer a series of business reversals that would lead him to abuse his prescription privileges and that would culminate in his mixing Viagara and LSD with shocking consequences. Rather than see their heroes take a fall, we decided to quit running the strips.
Cost-cutting is a perpetual concern of newspapers, and I was ready to help here, too. The features department used to run the "Critters" (don't you just love the homespun folksiness?) page on Saturdays. It was a page full of advice about how to care for pets, and it also had photos of dogs and cats up for adoption in the Bibb and Houston animal shelters. (By the way, I think somebody at the Bibb County Animal Shelter hates animals. Bibb would send us very unflattering photos of the cats and dogs, in one case sending us a photo of a dog that appears to be lunging -- teeth bared -- at the camera!) The person laying out the Critters page was encouraged to put biographical information under each photo, and write it up with a little "attitude." Something like "I'm a female black Labrador, about 1 year old. I am good with kids and very docile. But don't call me bitch!"
Anyway, as the cost of newsprint continued to rise, our paper had to start dropping pages, and the Critters page was tipped the black spot. But wait a minute, I said, we don't have to get rid of the Critters page; we can fold it into the food section. And under the photos of the pets, we can start writing stuff like "I am a 1-year-old male Irish setter. I am very good with children, or, with a proper marinade, I am a wonderful en brochette appetizer." This idea got collared pretty fast.
My ideas extend to how we greet and reach out to readers, as well. I have long said that we should have on-hold music. But not just any music. I'm talking about songs people like, songs like "Strokin'" by Clarence Carter or the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself."
And we need to drop that whole "Invite us home" advertising campaign. Believe me, I have used that line at bars, and it rarely works. What we need is a TV ad that shows us as hardass news hounds. Journalists so relentless about getting the story that we have been known to sometimes perform full body-cavity searches on sources that are insufficiently forthcoming. We need to have a TV spot that ends with our metro editor snapping on a latex glove and saying, "Here at The Telegraph, we'll go anywhere (snap!) to get the news you need."
The harshest rejection was when I suggested we try something a little different, graphically speaking, for the St. Patrick's day issue. I thought we should try to get this little guy in as a tone-setter for the front page.
Yet again, the Telegraph's powers that be rejected this suggestion out of hand.
These are but a few of the ideas that I have had to try to help our paper improve. Though they keep getting rejected, I won't let that stop me. I know the future will vindicate me. Or not.
posted by John Parnell at 11:29 AM
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