SAVING REALITY
I suppose it was inevitable that reality TV begin losing its grip on the American public; one can gorge on emotional pathologies for only so long. But I wonder whether this is indeed salutary for the nation. After all, though vicious gossip is one of the things that helps us get through the day -- it's easy to feel good about ourselves when we talk about what a bunch of creeps and screw-ups our acquaintances are -- it can be very socially awkward if the gossip is traced back to you.
As a matter of fact, in the highest circles, that might lead to utter disaster for all. Suppose that the vice-president's wife is entertaining the French ambassador's wife and the conversation begins to peter out as the veep's wife is holding forth about Impressionist art. A hopeless francophile, she panics when she notices the glazed look in the French woman's eyes and realizes she is falling out of favor faster than English cooking. So she switches the conversation to what the president's college-age daughter really did on spring break. Since the French crave gossip, the ambassador's wife spreads the tale until it gets back to the president and first lady. The enraged commander-in-chief forces the vice president to resign, thus splitting the party and leaving the "Nuke France" wing ascendant. The president is only too happy to oblige, yet in the aftermath Manhattan is suddenly bereft of French wines, leading to a collapse on Wall Street leading to economic ruin for the United States, a catastrophe that might have been averted had the vice president's wife and the French ambassador's wife discussed the latest episode of "Flavor of Love" instead of the president's daughter.
So reality TV might just have a healthy place in American life. Instead of directing our gossip at our neighbors and acquaintances, we direct it as people who have fervently courted our attention and thereby given up all claims to indignation and wounded feelings. And so they bear our bad karma and allow us to hold onto the self-esteem that greases the wheels of American life. Check it out: Flavor Flav -- American hero.
But reality TV, after it reached its zenith with The Littlest Groom, is becoming boring, and it needs a shot of life. And I just happen to have some suggestions.
Temptation Island should be brought back, but with a new twist. The original premise -- six committed couples sent to an island peopled with 20 or 25 single women and 20 or 25 single men (each one a genetic freak great looks), the couples then split apart to see whether anyone will succumb to the temptations of the flesh -- is trite. But imagine this: six people whose lousy jobs have pushed them close to a homicidal rage are placed on an island with 25 veeeeerrrrry annoying people. Weapons will be buried on the island and clues where they are will be available. The show will have an interactive feature that will let the viewers weigh in on who will kill first, and who will be the first to go.
One of the most successful reality TV venture was the Girls Gone Wild videotapes, the tapes that show co-ed hotties flashing their breasts during Mardi Gras, spring break or wherever young people go to expose themselves to strangers with video cameras. Again, the mise-en-scene needs a little tweaking. Instead of girls going wild during Mardi Gras, howzabout girls going wild during ... Mideast peace negotiations! Or what about Girls Gone Wild during ... open-heart surgery! Just picture that one: the brazen nurse, the startled, leering surgeon, fatal slip, the tragic geyser of blood. Or maybe what that franchise needs is a new direction altogether. Think Guys Gone Sensitive. "Watch these ripped fraternity hunks as they read poetry to their girlfriends, call back after having sex and leave the toilet seat down!"
Dancing with the Stars has been a recent reality success, I suppose because it shows glamorous stars struggling unglamorously to learn new steps and pick themselves up after they fall. It's probably meant to show that celebrities are just like you and me, but with more money and better plastic surgeons and personal trainers. If they really wanted to connect with hoi polloi, they would dance like the rest of us, and we would be watching Dancing with the Drunk Stars.
In any case, something must be done soon if reality TV is going to survive. And with it, our nation.
I suppose it was inevitable that reality TV begin losing its grip on the American public; one can gorge on emotional pathologies for only so long. But I wonder whether this is indeed salutary for the nation. After all, though vicious gossip is one of the things that helps us get through the day -- it's easy to feel good about ourselves when we talk about what a bunch of creeps and screw-ups our acquaintances are -- it can be very socially awkward if the gossip is traced back to you.
As a matter of fact, in the highest circles, that might lead to utter disaster for all. Suppose that the vice-president's wife is entertaining the French ambassador's wife and the conversation begins to peter out as the veep's wife is holding forth about Impressionist art. A hopeless francophile, she panics when she notices the glazed look in the French woman's eyes and realizes she is falling out of favor faster than English cooking. So she switches the conversation to what the president's college-age daughter really did on spring break. Since the French crave gossip, the ambassador's wife spreads the tale until it gets back to the president and first lady. The enraged commander-in-chief forces the vice president to resign, thus splitting the party and leaving the "Nuke France" wing ascendant. The president is only too happy to oblige, yet in the aftermath Manhattan is suddenly bereft of French wines, leading to a collapse on Wall Street leading to economic ruin for the United States, a catastrophe that might have been averted had the vice president's wife and the French ambassador's wife discussed the latest episode of "Flavor of Love" instead of the president's daughter.
So reality TV might just have a healthy place in American life. Instead of directing our gossip at our neighbors and acquaintances, we direct it as people who have fervently courted our attention and thereby given up all claims to indignation and wounded feelings. And so they bear our bad karma and allow us to hold onto the self-esteem that greases the wheels of American life. Check it out: Flavor Flav -- American hero.
But reality TV, after it reached its zenith with The Littlest Groom, is becoming boring, and it needs a shot of life. And I just happen to have some suggestions.
Temptation Island should be brought back, but with a new twist. The original premise -- six committed couples sent to an island peopled with 20 or 25 single women and 20 or 25 single men (each one a genetic freak great looks), the couples then split apart to see whether anyone will succumb to the temptations of the flesh -- is trite. But imagine this: six people whose lousy jobs have pushed them close to a homicidal rage are placed on an island with 25 veeeeerrrrry annoying people. Weapons will be buried on the island and clues where they are will be available. The show will have an interactive feature that will let the viewers weigh in on who will kill first, and who will be the first to go.
One of the most successful reality TV venture was the Girls Gone Wild videotapes, the tapes that show co-ed hotties flashing their breasts during Mardi Gras, spring break or wherever young people go to expose themselves to strangers with video cameras. Again, the mise-en-scene needs a little tweaking. Instead of girls going wild during Mardi Gras, howzabout girls going wild during ... Mideast peace negotiations! Or what about Girls Gone Wild during ... open-heart surgery! Just picture that one: the brazen nurse, the startled, leering surgeon, fatal slip, the tragic geyser of blood. Or maybe what that franchise needs is a new direction altogether. Think Guys Gone Sensitive. "Watch these ripped fraternity hunks as they read poetry to their girlfriends, call back after having sex and leave the toilet seat down!"
Dancing with the Stars has been a recent reality success, I suppose because it shows glamorous stars struggling unglamorously to learn new steps and pick themselves up after they fall. It's probably meant to show that celebrities are just like you and me, but with more money and better plastic surgeons and personal trainers. If they really wanted to connect with hoi polloi, they would dance like the rest of us, and we would be watching Dancing with the Drunk Stars.
In any case, something must be done soon if reality TV is going to survive. And with it, our nation.
posted by John Parnell at 11:45 AM
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